we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
