Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
