I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
