Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How's work?
Spinning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
