I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
