8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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