I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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