I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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