i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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