your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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