he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
