nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
