If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pray to the hookup gods
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
