farters have to be the big spoon...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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