She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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