You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
