Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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