I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
