I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
they need to just BURY HIM!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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