My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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