Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
