he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
