she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
