there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
