He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
