She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
