My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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