Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm getting married
To pizza
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
