Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
