you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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