another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
