Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
