We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
