it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
