what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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