we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
