we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
