how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
