well I can't set my house on fire every night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
