yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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