"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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