you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
