If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
