Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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