Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
