oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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