Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
