look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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