Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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