it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
