I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
