My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
