I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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