Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
