i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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