false alarm. still invincible.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
